The job interview went well and I was excited about the propspects - until they called today to tell me the job went to another candidate. Such simple words to dash ones hopes. I was highly qualified for this job; it is exactly what I have been doing for most of my career. The person who got the job may also be highy qualified, but why her and not me? What was her edge? It's hard not to let this stuff get me down. I've been looking and appying for almost eighteen months. I've been either ignored or not selected at least forty to fifty times in the last year and a half. I'm tired of feelings of inadequacy; I'm tired of feeling rejected or ignored; I'm tired of the chipping away at my confidence in my abilities. I'm tired of being tired.
It"s getting old and so am I.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Updates Here and There...
Still waiting to hear about the job. Called the recruiter in HR and got voice mail - hung up without leaving a message. Yes, I know that was wimpy. I'll try again tomorrow. The waiting is killing me, but I'm almost afraid to find out because my hopes may be dashed. Every job I don't get is one less option available to me - or at least that's how it feels.
My Sunday dinner to introduce Jack to my daughter, son-in-law and grandkids went well. The food was good - so everyone said - and conversation was fine. Though Jack was nervous (he said) he interacted nicely with everyone; I was proud to show him off. Everyone seemed to like him well enough and he seemed to like them.
Well, I am officially one month in arrears on my mortgage. The bank calls every day...five or six times if I don't answer. Talked to them today and exlained my situation. I got a few "I'm sorry" platitudes and several useless suggestions as to how I could get them their money.
The woman at the other end of the phone asked if I had any relatives who could help. I expressed dismay that she would expect my children to pay my bills when they were busy trying to support their own children.
Then she asked if I had considered renting out a room. I replied that I'd considered that, but that it would only net me about a fifth of the mortgage payment so why bother.
She replied that I might find work. I said I was still looking, but at sixty plus and after 18 months without a job, I asked what she thought my odds were.
She asked if I have any income at all. I told her I had a few more months of unemployment. She asked how much that is. I told her and said it is equal to my mortgage payment, which leaves nothing for electricity or food. I asked if she was suggesting I give up either.
She suggested that I could get hardship permission to tap my 401K. I said, "You want me to use what little retirement money I have to try and save a house I can't afford so that I can be destitute and eat cat food when I'm seventy?"
She suggested I contact a realtor. I told her I had and that I would have twenty thousand dollars in out of pocket costs. She suggested a short sale. I told her I had considered it but had been told that the bank wouldn't be likely to approve it if I have retirement money in the bank. She said she didn't know about that.
I think she must have reached the end of her list of suggestions because she finished up by telling me that since I am still in arrears I can expect to get "follow up" calls daily and wished me a nice day...
My Sunday dinner to introduce Jack to my daughter, son-in-law and grandkids went well. The food was good - so everyone said - and conversation was fine. Though Jack was nervous (he said) he interacted nicely with everyone; I was proud to show him off. Everyone seemed to like him well enough and he seemed to like them.
Well, I am officially one month in arrears on my mortgage. The bank calls every day...five or six times if I don't answer. Talked to them today and exlained my situation. I got a few "I'm sorry" platitudes and several useless suggestions as to how I could get them their money.
The woman at the other end of the phone asked if I had any relatives who could help. I expressed dismay that she would expect my children to pay my bills when they were busy trying to support their own children.
Then she asked if I had considered renting out a room. I replied that I'd considered that, but that it would only net me about a fifth of the mortgage payment so why bother.
She replied that I might find work. I said I was still looking, but at sixty plus and after 18 months without a job, I asked what she thought my odds were.
She asked if I have any income at all. I told her I had a few more months of unemployment. She asked how much that is. I told her and said it is equal to my mortgage payment, which leaves nothing for electricity or food. I asked if she was suggesting I give up either.
She suggested that I could get hardship permission to tap my 401K. I said, "You want me to use what little retirement money I have to try and save a house I can't afford so that I can be destitute and eat cat food when I'm seventy?"
She suggested I contact a realtor. I told her I had and that I would have twenty thousand dollars in out of pocket costs. She suggested a short sale. I told her I had considered it but had been told that the bank wouldn't be likely to approve it if I have retirement money in the bank. She said she didn't know about that.
I think she must have reached the end of her list of suggestions because she finished up by telling me that since I am still in arrears I can expect to get "follow up" calls daily and wished me a nice day...
Saturday, June 25, 2011
My Week in Review...
Okay, I had a great birthday dinner and ice cream with Katie on Tuesday. It amazes me just how grown she is becoming.
The dentist on Wednesday wasn't quite as bad as I expected and I have an appointment to get the the rest of the work in a few weeks. Maybe my teeth will last me a lifetime after all.
Thursday's interview went well and the job sounds pretty decent for a hospital job. The manager said she thought I'd fit in well on the unit. She had one more interview to do Friday then would make a decision. I feel like I've got a good shot at it - but one never knows anymore. Recruiting promised I'd hear something one way or the other this week.
The hospital is exactly one hundred sixteen miles from my front door and thirty-nine miles from Jack's front door. We talked about it and Jack is okay with my commuting from his place. I'm trying not to let my mind run rampant with "what if" plans for the future.
I hate the waiting...
The dentist on Wednesday wasn't quite as bad as I expected and I have an appointment to get the the rest of the work in a few weeks. Maybe my teeth will last me a lifetime after all.
Thursday's interview went well and the job sounds pretty decent for a hospital job. The manager said she thought I'd fit in well on the unit. She had one more interview to do Friday then would make a decision. I feel like I've got a good shot at it - but one never knows anymore. Recruiting promised I'd hear something one way or the other this week.
The hospital is exactly one hundred sixteen miles from my front door and thirty-nine miles from Jack's front door. We talked about it and Jack is okay with my commuting from his place. I'm trying not to let my mind run rampant with "what if" plans for the future.
I hate the waiting...
Monday, June 20, 2011
A Busy Week...
This is a bit of a busy week coming up - busy by my standards, though I'm sure not busy by daughter Rebecca's "busy-mom-of-two" standards.
Drove back to Wilmington today after a weekend in New Bern with Jack and arrived just in time for an appointment with Rusty, my financial advisor. Rusty's a sweet thirty-something young man who pays me lots of attention and is helping me plan for retirement - something I should have started decades ago! Turns out I have a bit more set aside than I thought and he has some good ideas for pulling a small monthly income out of it to supplement Social Security. If I can wait until age sixty-six to retire, I might be able to make it on my own if I keep it very simple - if I am not alone I will be in good shape. If I have to retire at age sixty-two, I can only make it if I have a life partner to share expenses. Not great news, but it helps to have a realistic picture of the future. Rusty is fully behind my plan to walk away from my house. He says it makes perfect sense for me.
Tomorrow - the summer solstice - my beautiful granddaughter Katie turns seven. She's already had a beach party with friends; tomorrow will be dinner with family at a restaurant of her choice followed by homemade ice cream at Boombalatti's! It's hard to believe she's seven years old already - the time's gone by so fast. She's becoming an amazing young girl.
Wednesday is the first of my upcoming appointments for dental work. It will be an uncomfortable and expensive afternoon! Thursday I have the job interview at Carteret Hospital. That will be interesting and stressful as it can affect several areas of my life - or change nothing at all.
Finally comes the weekend. Jack and I will spend it together as we usually do...with one change. Becca, Davis and the kids are coming for Sunday dinner and Jack will finally meet them.
By my standards, a very busy week...
Drove back to Wilmington today after a weekend in New Bern with Jack and arrived just in time for an appointment with Rusty, my financial advisor. Rusty's a sweet thirty-something young man who pays me lots of attention and is helping me plan for retirement - something I should have started decades ago! Turns out I have a bit more set aside than I thought and he has some good ideas for pulling a small monthly income out of it to supplement Social Security. If I can wait until age sixty-six to retire, I might be able to make it on my own if I keep it very simple - if I am not alone I will be in good shape. If I have to retire at age sixty-two, I can only make it if I have a life partner to share expenses. Not great news, but it helps to have a realistic picture of the future. Rusty is fully behind my plan to walk away from my house. He says it makes perfect sense for me.
Tomorrow - the summer solstice - my beautiful granddaughter Katie turns seven. She's already had a beach party with friends; tomorrow will be dinner with family at a restaurant of her choice followed by homemade ice cream at Boombalatti's! It's hard to believe she's seven years old already - the time's gone by so fast. She's becoming an amazing young girl.
Wednesday is the first of my upcoming appointments for dental work. It will be an uncomfortable and expensive afternoon! Thursday I have the job interview at Carteret Hospital. That will be interesting and stressful as it can affect several areas of my life - or change nothing at all.
Finally comes the weekend. Jack and I will spend it together as we usually do...with one change. Becca, Davis and the kids are coming for Sunday dinner and Jack will finally meet them.
By my standards, a very busy week...
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Pro or Con...?
Last night I lamented my current situation. Today I get a phone call responding to a job application I sent in last month. Carteret General Hospital wants to interview me. I have an appointment next week. Now, I have been in the job market long enough to know that an interview does not equal a job, but it is a step in the right direction.
Twelve hour day shifts on a surgical unit - day shift is good, but that will encompass some weekends and holidays, not so good - but, I've done it before and can do it again. The money and the benefits are likely to be reasonably good. More pros than cons, but no point weighing pros and cons until after I've been interviewed and offered the position. There is really just one major pro vs con. Carteret Hospital is two hours away from here...but only thirty or so minutes from Jack.
Is that a pro or a con...?
Twelve hour day shifts on a surgical unit - day shift is good, but that will encompass some weekends and holidays, not so good - but, I've done it before and can do it again. The money and the benefits are likely to be reasonably good. More pros than cons, but no point weighing pros and cons until after I've been interviewed and offered the position. There is really just one major pro vs con. Carteret Hospital is two hours away from here...but only thirty or so minutes from Jack.
Is that a pro or a con...?
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
If...
I find myself in a place I could never have conceived of a few years ago. Always thought I knew where my life was going. At this age, I'd be nearing a milestone wedding anniversary, enjoying the grandchildren and planning retirement with my husband. I came to terms with divorces, remarriages and relationships a long time ago, but anticipated that everything else would remain stable. How wrong could one woman be???
Sometimes it feels like my world is shattering around me. I have been unemployed for sixteen months and prospects are dim. In two more months my health insurance runs out, but I'm three and a half years away from Medicare. My unemployment will end in four months and, unless a job turns up, I will be without income. I can draw Social Security at age sixty-two, in ten months, but it will be a reduced amount and not enough to live on. My plan was always to wait until full retirement age of sixty-six to begin drawing but I won't be there for another four and a half years. There is always the option of trying to find a low level job which will give me some income but, again, not enough to live on. I can also try to purchase private health insurance but it is expensive - especially for someone with hypertension and little income
As my previous post (Requiem for an American Dream) explains, I can't afford to keep my house. I missed my first mortgage payment this month. Judging by others' experiences, I should be able to continue living here at least six more months, but I will eventually have to leave. Where will I go? My daughter has reassured me that I can live with her if necessary, but that is not something either one of us wants to see happen - though it was a comfort to hear her say that and I love her for it.
It is scary to have the future so uncertain, to have no idea where I will live or how I will support myself. If I can land a good job with good benefits I would be okay. If my current relationship works out and if we were to move in together and share expenses I would be okay and happy. If I were to win the lottery...
If is a very big word...
Sometimes it feels like my world is shattering around me. I have been unemployed for sixteen months and prospects are dim. In two more months my health insurance runs out, but I'm three and a half years away from Medicare. My unemployment will end in four months and, unless a job turns up, I will be without income. I can draw Social Security at age sixty-two, in ten months, but it will be a reduced amount and not enough to live on. My plan was always to wait until full retirement age of sixty-six to begin drawing but I won't be there for another four and a half years. There is always the option of trying to find a low level job which will give me some income but, again, not enough to live on. I can also try to purchase private health insurance but it is expensive - especially for someone with hypertension and little income
As my previous post (Requiem for an American Dream) explains, I can't afford to keep my house. I missed my first mortgage payment this month. Judging by others' experiences, I should be able to continue living here at least six more months, but I will eventually have to leave. Where will I go? My daughter has reassured me that I can live with her if necessary, but that is not something either one of us wants to see happen - though it was a comfort to hear her say that and I love her for it.
It is scary to have the future so uncertain, to have no idea where I will live or how I will support myself. If I can land a good job with good benefits I would be okay. If my current relationship works out and if we were to move in together and share expenses I would be okay and happy. If I were to win the lottery...
If is a very big word...
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
A Trip to the Dentist...
Back to the dentist three weeks after my oral surgery. Took a full set of x-rays and had difficulty fitting the radiology tabs in my mouth. Several comments were made that I have a very small mouth. I asked for that in writing so I could present it to my brothers and maybe a couple of exes! Anyway, after the x-rays and an exam, the verdict was three cavities and peridontal disease. Not too awful since it's been an unseemly amount of time since I last saw a dentist. The downside is the cost...as well as the usual dental pain. I need the cavities taken care of and an intensive cleaning and scaling - to the tune of $1500. Add in what I've already spent and we talking some major money. Now I remember why I hate to go to the dentist - it hurts twice!
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