I find myself in a place I could never have conceived of a few years ago. Always thought I knew where my life was going. At this age, I'd be nearing a milestone wedding anniversary, enjoying the grandchildren and planning retirement with my husband. I came to terms with divorces, remarriages and relationships a long time ago, but anticipated that everything else would remain stable. How wrong could one woman be???
Sometimes it feels like my world is shattering around me. I have been unemployed for sixteen months and prospects are dim. In two more months my health insurance runs out, but I'm three and a half years away from Medicare. My unemployment will end in four months and, unless a job turns up, I will be without income. I can draw Social Security at age sixty-two, in ten months, but it will be a reduced amount and not enough to live on. My plan was always to wait until full retirement age of sixty-six to begin drawing but I won't be there for another four and a half years. There is always the option of trying to find a low level job which will give me some income but, again, not enough to live on. I can also try to purchase private health insurance but it is expensive - especially for someone with hypertension and little income
As my previous post (Requiem for an American Dream) explains, I can't afford to keep my house. I missed my first mortgage payment this month. Judging by others' experiences, I should be able to continue living here at least six more months, but I will eventually have to leave. Where will I go? My daughter has reassured me that I can live with her if necessary, but that is not something either one of us wants to see happen - though it was a comfort to hear her say that and I love her for it.
It is scary to have the future so uncertain, to have no idea where I will live or how I will support myself. If I can land a good job with good benefits I would be okay. If my current relationship works out and if we were to move in together and share expenses I would be okay and happy. If I were to win the lottery...
If is a very big word...
