Deaf Sentence...

I'm reading a book called Deaf Sentence by David Lodge.  It is about a retired linguistics professor in the North of England who is losing his hearing, Professor Desmond Bates.  His wife is in the throes of a successful new career.  Down in London, his aging father is showing signs of needing assisted living though reluctant to admit it.  About the time he is doubting his uselfulness in life, an American grad student approaches him for guidance on her dissertation.  Her chosen topic is stylistic analysis of suicide notes.  He is intruiged - by both the topic and the attractive young woman.  I am only halfway through the novel and don't know how Prof. Bates' issues will be addressed or resolved  The story is interesting, though not riveting, and I am looking forward to the second half.

What really drew me to this book was the title.  I've never before read a book where the protaganist was hearing impaired.  Add the fact that Professor Bates and I are both in our sixties and you can understand why I was drawn to it.  Prof. Bates is frustrated with his hearing loss and all the ways it makes life difficult.  The author has really hit the nail on the head with his descriptions.  I find myself saying, "Yes.  Exactly!" to so much of the descriptive writing that centers around the frustration and feelings of isolation that accompany hearing loss.  I don't know how he's done it, but the author describes impending deafness as accurately as if he was experiencing it himself.  He seems to understand that deafness truly is a prison sentence of sorts.

I wish everyone in my life could read it...

Requiem for the American Dream...

It's official.  I can't afford to sell my house.  These are not words I ever imagined would make sense in my lifetime.

I bought my house four years ago.  It was a stretch for me.  Not the first house I'd ever owned, but the first house I ever owned by myself - without the help of a husband.  I was uncertain about the move, but proud of myself for accomplishing it.  If it turned out that owning a house alone was too much to handle I could always sell it.  Real estate was always a good investement.

Who knew the market was going to tank?  Not just the real estate market, but the entire economy!  Certainly not me.  It didn't scare me at first.  I love my house.  Just the right sizr for me yet big enough to share should I find a partner.  A perfect layout in a convenient area - near the beach, near my grandchildren, near shopping.  I had no intention of getting rid of it anytime soon.  By the time I was ready to sell, the maket would have picked up...or so I thought.

Then I got laid off...almost a year and a half ago.  That's a long time to be unemployed.  Unemployment benefits help, but they barely cover the mortgage payments - and they will end in the next four to five months.  A live-in boyfriend helped for a while, but when that was over, it was over.  It's been touch and go since then.  I just can't afford my house any longer.

I talked with a Realtor today.  Like so many people, I now owe more than my house appraises for.  I am "upside down" or "underwater" as they call it.  If I am able to sell my house at all (no houses in this area have sold in quite some time), I will have about twenty thousand dollars in out of pocket costs...to cover fees, commission and the balance of the mortgage that would not be covered by the sale price.  Not the cheeriest news - and not possible.  I can't afford to pay out twenty thousand dollars for someone to buy my house - thus, I can't afford to sell my house.

My only options are to keep digging into savings and try to keep the house or consider a short-sale or a foreclosure.  I don't see an upside to trying to keep the house.  I will never get my money out of it; the best I can hope for is to break even some day and that day is some years down the road.  A short-sale and a foreclosure yield the same result; the only difference is the short-sale is not quite as hard a hit on ones credit as a forclosure.  Both require that one be behind on mortgage payments.  So it would seem that, no matter which option I choose, the next step is to stop making my mortgage payments.

I never, in my wildest dreams, thought not paying my mortgage would be a requirement to divest myself of a house I can no longer afford.  Apparently, when I wasn't paying attention, the American Dream died.

RIP...

My Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad Week...

Lost a filling last Friday - just fell out while I was flossing.  It didn't bother me at first, but by Sunday my mouth was tender and I noticed a little swelling on my cheek.  On Monday the swellling was noticeable to others and the tenderness had graduated to soreness.  Now I'm one of those people who has a dentist-phobia and will do anthing to avoid seeing one, so needless to say I didn't have a regular dentist.  I called my daughter and got the name and number of hers.

They were quite nice and gave me an appointment for the next day.  Apprehension building by the minute, I made the trek to Wilmington Tuesday morning to see the dentist - who appeared younger than my kids.  He said there was an infection and gave me antibiotics - then the bad news - there wasn't enough tooth left to save.  It had to come out and, with a curved root, would need the skills of an oral surgeon; and I would need sedation.

The oral surgeon's office was equally nice and again I was given a next day appointment.  I called Jack, who arranged for time off to accompany me, then headed back to New Bern - dreading what was to come on Wednesday.  About half way up US 17, I fell into a Trooper's radar range and got a speeeding ticket.  Yes, I was speeding - but so was everyone else.  My abysmal luck was holding.

Wednesday arrived and Jack drove us to Wilmington.  I was nervous and hungry.  They started an IV and injected some Versed.  Things went smoothly - or so I thought- until I woke up.  Turned out I had an adverse reaction to the sedation and my oxygen saturation levels dropped.  I was extremely groggy and don't remember a thing - still don't - but my jaws ache and there's a bruise on my chest!  Jack got me home and took care of me, for which I am grateful.

Now, if I could just bite into something solid...

What's Next???

My thirteen week work contract lasted three weeks.  Seems they decided they didn't need a nurse after all - or maybe they just didn't want me.  Either way (and it appears I'll never really know for sure) they backed out of the contract.  So here I am, once again, unemployed and at-large.

The agency that hired me is looking for another spot for me, but I do not want to travel outside a radius that will allow me to live either at home or at Jack's, so there may not be much available.  I like having time to myself again, but it was really nice having an income for a little while.  Funny what a boost that is to ones self-esteem.  Now I am back to weighing every expenditure and depending on savings.

In the interim I learned that my unemployment benefit year has ended.  When my original twenty-six weeks ended, I moved into emergency benefits and need to keep those.  Fortunately I was able to take care of that and get benefits restarted with a phone call.  One goes through four tiers of emergency benefits before they end and I am in Tier 2, so for now I still have unemployment benefits.

One thing I've learned over the years is that life constantly changes from one minute to the next.  A month ago I was unemployed, last week I had a good paying job, this week I am jobless again; who knows what tomorrow - or next week - will bring...