Having one of those nights when I can't sleep...just can't turn my mind off.
Two more weeks of work left (plus a final on-call weekend), then the paychecks stop. So does the health insurance. Going to have to file for my Social Security. Need to find out about COBRA insurance, but have serious doubts about whether I can afford it. Two years until I am eligible for Medicare. My Social Security alone isn't going to be enough to subsist on. Jack will have his VA benefit and Social Security...but he will also have alimony to pay. Still waiting to see what happens re: his ex's health insurance. Will be a real kick in the teeth if he is forced to pay for hers while I can't afford any! Worried that the courts may take half his income for her...she could end up with more income than he has! Men do not fare well in this state when it comes to divorce.
We are getting ready to make a huge life change. It is exciting to contemplate, but scary too. Wondering what expenses will be like and how well we will be able to manage. Live safe or take a chance? We are opting to take a chance. I do fine with some risks, but financial risks are hard for me. We could try and live a quiet, safe life in Wilmington. I would be near Becca and my beloved Katie and Jackson, but we wouldn't have much going on in our life. It's not likely there would be money for travel once we paid all our basic living expenses. I don't want to waste away on the couch. So we are opting to take a chance...take the risk...and put adventure into our later years. Exciting but scary.
Keeps me awake some nights...
Monday, March 18, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Kathy
Wrote a few posts catching up 2012 but did not touch on the worst happening of the year. Probably because I am still trying to wrap my head around it.
All through my trials and tribulations early on with Jack's fear of commitment and my brother's heart surgery and various other events, both happy and sad, there was one person who was always there to support me, cry with me, rant with me, and cheer me on. Kathy.
We went to high school together, but barely knew each other then...reconnecting later in life through the miracle of facebook. I often lamented that I wished we had known more about each other and found our connection back then...that we lost out on so many years of friendship. She agreed, but reminded me that we had lots of years left.
She lived a full life...had many joys and endured many hardships...and came out stronger. She was funny, irreverent, passionate and a supporter of the downtrodden. She could put up sheetrock, lay floors, paint, move furniture. She didn't drink, but hung out at a bar owned by a friend. She always had room for another cat in need of a home, some of whom filled the rafters of her basement until they felt safe enough to emerge...much like Kathy who often said she was like her cats when it came to romance...hiding in the rafters, peeking out and disappearing again. She loved the water and loved the sun, roasting to a golden brown every summer. She dressed up as Cher on Halloween and went into the streets. She had a way of making all her friends feel special...especially me.
I lost Kathy last September...the world lost Kathy last September. She died suddenly after a short illness...leaving behind two young adult children and a legion of friends. We won't have lots of years of friendship after all. What we had will have to do...and I treasure every moment we had.
I miss you, Kathy.
Love you, Sis!
All through my trials and tribulations early on with Jack's fear of commitment and my brother's heart surgery and various other events, both happy and sad, there was one person who was always there to support me, cry with me, rant with me, and cheer me on. Kathy.
We went to high school together, but barely knew each other then...reconnecting later in life through the miracle of facebook. I often lamented that I wished we had known more about each other and found our connection back then...that we lost out on so many years of friendship. She agreed, but reminded me that we had lots of years left.
She lived a full life...had many joys and endured many hardships...and came out stronger. She was funny, irreverent, passionate and a supporter of the downtrodden. She could put up sheetrock, lay floors, paint, move furniture. She didn't drink, but hung out at a bar owned by a friend. She always had room for another cat in need of a home, some of whom filled the rafters of her basement until they felt safe enough to emerge...much like Kathy who often said she was like her cats when it came to romance...hiding in the rafters, peeking out and disappearing again. She loved the water and loved the sun, roasting to a golden brown every summer. She dressed up as Cher on Halloween and went into the streets. She had a way of making all her friends feel special...especially me.
I lost Kathy last September...the world lost Kathy last September. She died suddenly after a short illness...leaving behind two young adult children and a legion of friends. We won't have lots of years of friendship after all. What we had will have to do...and I treasure every moment we had.
I miss you, Kathy.
Love you, Sis!
Time to Retire
The stress has gotten to me. Eleven deaths in about two weeks, five in one day, two on-call nights that had me out all night long! It is time to retire! My last day is April 1, 2013...three months ahead of plan. I feel such a relief and am counting the days (19) until then. I am excited and terrified.
Excited about the prospects of retirement and our plans to travel. Terrified at the prospect of a greatly reduced income. I keep telling myself - "It's only money." There comes a time, I think, when one has to rearrange priorities. This is the time.
Went to a funeral today. My favorite patient died a bit unexpectedly. I had mixed feelings about leaving him when I retire. On one hand, because I was like part of the family, I didn't want to have to go through his death with him; on the other hand, I didn't want someone else to be there at that most difficult time of life. He took care of it for me, by taking a sudden downturn last weekend and dying Monday morning. It was my job to pronounce him. I will miss our weekly visits and will likely stop in to see his wife down the road.
I have one other favorite patient...we will have to see what happens with him. No one expected him to last as long as he has. Either way, I will stay in touch with his wife, who feels more like a friend than a patient family member.
The rest of my patients I will turn over to other nurses easily. I will miss co-workers and the comraderie that comes with working on a team. I will not miss being on-call!
We have some exciting retirement plans that I plan to chronicle in another blog: Two For The Road - about living on the road in an RV. I will likely still post here for a while, but think I will eventually transition to Two For The Road.
You may notice that my "About Me" and its accompanying photo has changed. This is to better fit with the new blog...hoping Jack will post some there too!
Excited about the prospects of retirement and our plans to travel. Terrified at the prospect of a greatly reduced income. I keep telling myself - "It's only money." There comes a time, I think, when one has to rearrange priorities. This is the time.
Went to a funeral today. My favorite patient died a bit unexpectedly. I had mixed feelings about leaving him when I retire. On one hand, because I was like part of the family, I didn't want to have to go through his death with him; on the other hand, I didn't want someone else to be there at that most difficult time of life. He took care of it for me, by taking a sudden downturn last weekend and dying Monday morning. It was my job to pronounce him. I will miss our weekly visits and will likely stop in to see his wife down the road.
I have one other favorite patient...we will have to see what happens with him. No one expected him to last as long as he has. Either way, I will stay in touch with his wife, who feels more like a friend than a patient family member.
The rest of my patients I will turn over to other nurses easily. I will miss co-workers and the comraderie that comes with working on a team. I will not miss being on-call!
We have some exciting retirement plans that I plan to chronicle in another blog: Two For The Road - about living on the road in an RV. I will likely still post here for a while, but think I will eventually transition to Two For The Road.
You may notice that my "About Me" and its accompanying photo has changed. This is to better fit with the new blog...hoping Jack will post some there too!
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